To You

The journey that lead me here was filled with bumps, shakes, sticks & stones, loss, gain, love, and lessons. And if given the opportunity to do it all over again, I wouldn’t. I would keep each and every detail the exact same. Sometimes trading our old life for a new one is a mindset flaw. And sometimes we fail to acknowledge that the journey is far greater than us, or what we can physically see. That in order to get to where are presently sit, we had to endure the ride – good or bad, ugly or pretty. Each of us ride a wave only we can understand. And until we accept our path, we will forever have a glass half empty. Today and everyday, I stare at my glass half full. The sun hitting the soft curves – shining back at me in hues of rainbow and sparkle. 

For much of my life I lived inside a box. I want this. I want that. And if this and/or that didn’t turn out exactly as I planned, my world crumbled – every damn day. And while I am grateful to have experienced this kind of roller coaster, I am even more grateful to say that that roller coaster got shut down, tore down, and rebuilt. With a new roller coaster, full of new ebbs and flows. Except this time, I’m not in charge. My guidance, my knowledge, my spirit, my peace, and my trust drive this roller coaster. (11/10 recommend.)

What many describe as the worst year of their life, I describe as the best: 2020 – thank you, I’ll never stop saying it. You see, my glass was half full. But I guess it’s all a matter of perspective, huh? 

Throughout the year I spent the vast majority of my time opening the files that make up my being. Digging into the depth of my existence and ripping off the bandaids we’ve placed on our wounds to ignore for a later date (with many never returning). What happened when I threw them away was I had the privilege of meeting myself; the soul that lives in this avatar. I was able to acknowledge that the journey I walked, lead me straight to you. The journey I neglected from a young age, I subconsciously walked, effortlessly and yet, blindly. I opened my heart to children, that weren’t mine, time and time again. Why? Because to put it simple, I am a mother. (Now if my hormones would let me finish! LOL queue mama tears!) By no means was my mother perfect, but for me, she was/is. I had one of the best examples of what a mother should be and is. Of course through this bond we share, she in turn created another mother to pass on to a new generation. 

To the children I did not birth, but that call me “mom”: 

You have given me a love so fulfilling that I yearn for it. You have given me a life to look at and be grateful for. My greatest accomplishments thus far – all 11teen of you. You give me breath on the rough days. And you shine light on me when mine goes dark. The part you play in my journey lead me here. And no amount of words or actions could ever accurately convey the depth of love that I have for you. What’s understood, doesn’t need to be understood. 

To the child I co-parented:

You precious soul. I don’t even know where to begin. I miss you, I’ll start there. Then second I’ll say thank you. Simply put. The role you play(ed) in my journey was synchronized, spiritual, and far exceeded my expectations, or lack of. What you have provided to me; taught me, is and always will be applied as I move forward. Just know that I love you, because I choose to. You deserve a love so profound only the universe can take credit for it. Everyday I pray you know the place you hold in my journey, and I look forward to the day we meet again. 

To You: 

You have a very large village. In fact it’s so large I often found myself laying in bed at night overwhelmed by love, in a puddle of tears and sweat. (What a feeling?) I promise to guide you, teach you, protect you, save you, hold you, carry you, worship you, praise you, provide for you, wipe your tears, work through your fears, and above all – love you. You will never go to bed at night questioning who you are. And you will never go to bed at night questioning love. Something I was fortunate to learn in 2020 is that with love, you have everything. You will never be short on love, little bird. 

I love you, always. 

Mom